"Title, Jesus Christ, I don't know. Make fun of you."

Tricky Fish Says: 271--I think that's down 3 more pounds from last week and 14 total.  This one even included my girlfriend's birthday and a very nice breakfast buffet where I had to continuously tell myself not to "get my money's worth"

I have continued to eat healthy, and yes, drink almost exclusively water (something I was doing before this diet anyway).  This is because I'm not an idiot and have researched why water, and being even more thirst, and drinking even more water is good for you.

Take this one random link...

http://ezinearticles.com/?Drink,-Drink,-Drink---How-Water-Increases-Metabolism&id=1001158

Water is fantastic for you.  The fact that you haven't been drinking this much water before means that your body was simply adjusting to the Arizona life style that is being in your body.  With the water though?  It's begging for more.  It cleans out your system, hydrates you, helps with your joints, it does everything.  Whereas studies clearly show that zebra cakes are only about 80% as good as water.

O.K. Back to me.  My girlfriend made me stir fry last night with something called "toe foow" which is otherwise known as "not food."  However she flavored it like food, and as an Ethiopian, I gobbled it down.  I even invited her to make it again if she wants.  In fact, to be honest with you, with her making my food recently (I cannot cook, only order out) I honestly have to wonder when the last time I ate meat was.  I know that answer is easy for bear, it was the last time he was on his knees, or this morning.



Lorraine Says: I know water is good for you, idiot, that's why I'm drinking it.

Not good for you? This imaginary girlfriend that you keep trying to sell us. Now she's cooking for you? Right.

Also not good? Being consumed with thoughts of Bear and all the meat  he eats. It's clear to me that you are. Seriously, this obssession with all of our sex lives has got to be as unhealthy as a box of zebra cakes. Probably worse.


The Wife Says: I'm pretty sure that Tricky's "girlfriend" is really just his mother.  Maybe an aunt if we're lucky.

How good is he at photoshop? Because the next step is he's going to show us a photograph as "proof." 


Lorraine: As an ending side note, Tricky asked me to post this for him, which is why you'll see my name down below. And when asked what I should title the post about his fake girlfriend, his love of Bear's man-meat, the fact that he's dating his mom or aunt or both, the lovely gem of a quote that is now the title of this post is what he gave me.

Real original kid. Real original.

The Great Water Myth

Lorraine Says: Aside from the occasional (and almost medicinal) cup of coffee, I've managed to phase every other drink out of my life. It's all me and water now.

"Oh, great Lorraine! Good job. How are you feeling? All thirst quenched?"

NO. Dammit.

This is the stupidest thing ever, because as I've increased my total water intake, I've gotten progressively thirstier. I'm that girl now, carrying around the super cute, super jumbo water bottle and taking sips out of it like if I were Lily and the water were tequila.

No matter how much water I drink (a lot) I always feel thirsty (not healthy) and cotton mouthy (ewww). And I swear, I didn't take that green little Chinese diet pill either.

I hate you, water.

That said, I lost another pound this week for a total weight loss of 4 pounds since we started. Look, I know 1-2 pounds a week is a pretty healthy weight loss rate, but it's also really fudgin' BORING.

Everything about diets is boring. I mean, I just spouted off about WATER as the most exciting thing in my entire diet week. I know some one is going to come out of the woodwork and say, "healthy food can be delicious!" and I'll say, "no. Chocolate is delicious."

And the truth of it all is that I don't really care that much about food. I want it to be two things really: easy and fast. (Dammit I can hear the whore jokes now. I beat you to it though, so consider shutting the hell up, son.)

Easy + fast + diet = bland.

That probably explains why I rebelled over the weekend. I gorged myself on sushi, I had IHOP, a vanilla Frosty, chocolate wine and I shared a box of zebra cakes. This is spread over Friday, Saturday, Sunday, so all things considered, this is still me behaving better than usual.

Sigh.

Did I mention the one pound?

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Lily says: Let's get shit straight.... I drink vodka as if it were water. Tequila is reserved for special occasions.

Water is pretty boring. Drink some ginger ale... or Gatorade. Something to not make you feel like you just finished smoking pot.

Congrats on the one pound.


Bret Says: You think water doesn't work, however you spent your weekend as a human garbage dump for fat filled dairy drinks, 24 hour restaurant crap, alcohol that of course included chocolate, and at least a gallon of magical man juice (the last one was inferred).

Thus I think that you lost one pound from the water alone.  I'd congratulate you, but I'll save it for the results of your next STD panel.


Lor Says: And by "inferred" you definitely mean "I was having wet dreams about you again."

Dreams are just dreams, Bret. I'm STD and another pound free. I know that excites you in all kinds of ways, but no, I still won't sleep with you.