Chipotle, McDonalds, Cardio, Weddings and Cannibalism, Again.

Lily Says: So, the snow is melting already, and I could theoretically go out to the grocery store and buy HEALTHY food... but have I? Nope. I haven't gained weight, but I also haven't lost any. Which, again... I think is amazing considering how many times I've been to McDonalds and Chipotle lately. I guess what's helping is the semi daily cardio and Cardio. But, yeah... I need to start dropping the lb's. Bridezillas be wanting us to go see bridesmaid dresses. =\


Bear Says: Beware the wrath of Bridezilla. It's almost as bad as the wrath of Mothera.


Lily Says: Ugh... as long as I'm not in a dress that makes me look like a fucking cupcake, I'm good.


Bear Says: I can see where you'd be worried about looking like a cupcake...I mean what if Lor saw you? She might eat you. If she tries, please be sure to get some video we can sell on the blog.


Lor Says: 1a.) I don't understand how snow can keep you from the grocery store but NOT Chipotle's. 
b.) I love me some Chipotles.

2.) No one need to worry about me eating Lily. I haven't had a zebra cake in weeks! I'm fine! Totally normal! Not twitching at all. 

Besides, Lils is awesome, but she doesn't really have the right goods. Like... An actual cream filing. 

Lily Says: Just in case the rest missed it.. Lor said this: [posted above]

Ummm... Chipotle was more easily accessible than the grocery store. Chipotle is not in the hood, so their sidewalks were clean. Yes, in Chicago, if you live in the hood you best clean your own sidewalks... if not you get fined. womp womp.

 

But yes, I lack a creme filling. Which is sad. I've always wanted to be a twinkie or ho-ho or a Bavarian creme donut. Which by the way, you all try the Dunkin Donuts reverse Bavarian creme doughnut. And I'm not just saying it because Dunkin follows me on twitter... it is GOOD.

Lor Says: (Thanks Lily. Sorry I didn't reply all.... I owe you some chipotles, real talk.)

Lily Says: I don't even do it for the Chipotle. <3 

Bear Says: With all that Cardio, I'd assume you'd be slap full of filling by now...

Maybe you're not doing it right?

Lily Says: Ha! No comment. I hear children sometimes read blogs. 

Lorraine Says: I Long For A Good Insult (And Some Chocolate)

Lorraine Says: Contrary to popular belief, I am not dead. I am, however, still fat. Or, even fatter than I was last time we talked. I HATE THE HOLIDAYS.

See, I was right with Bear on the whole disease kick, except I wasn't playing WoW and losing weight. I was sleeping for days straight, only waking to eat large holiday dinners, gorge on holiday desserts and then go back to sleep, ensuring that all that food would become evil fatty deposits very quickly.

Disease did not work in my favor. The Ethiopians have fooled me.

All that sleeping and not being able to breathe properly and being out of town (and did I mention sleeping?) explains my disappearance and the fact that I'm +2 pounds at today's weigh in.

I can't tell you where my motivation went. It's easy to blame the holidays, but I was feeling it before then. The effort of it all was getting to me, so I took a break from caring for a week. This week, I'm wondering how to start caring again.

Call me some names people. Tell me how fat I am. Unmotivate me, dammit.

I guess I'm pretty much starting 2011 back at square one.

Hi. I'm Lorraine. I'm obssessed with chocolate. I'd ideally like to lose 20 pounds. I suck at this dieting thing.

Nice to meet you. Let's start again.


Lily Says: Zebra cakes are in the mail.

Bear Says: You stole my line Lily...

Lily Says: You can send chocolate. Is dark chocolate okay, Lor?

Lorraine Says: I don't know whether to punch you all in the teeth or wait by the mailbox. Whatever. If you send me chocolate, Lily is getting vodka and Bear is getting fried Halloween candy in totillas.

Lily Says: That will work for me. Rivers of vodka <3

Lorraine Says: This is some bullshit. A girl puts weight on around here and she isn't even teased or anything. All of you need to recover. Seriously. I can't tell me maybe we're too... happy? Maybe we need to be more miserable. Someone go pop Bret's inflatable girlfriend, I'll steal Bear's WoW, Wife will be miserable while trying to console Bear and then she can go steal Lily's vodka.

Please do all of the above and consult me in a week when you are ready to insult me like big boys and girls. How am I ever going to lose weight again if you don't?

Guilt, Pork and What Bret Needs More

Lorraine Says: Stinky Fish Bret made a comment yesterday about this all turning into a celebration of our flab. I don't think so, but as I sat here today, wondering what to write that wouldn't essentially be Bear and Lily's failure posts combined, I sort of saw his point.

I ate a lot on Thanksgiving. And I didn't even set out to eat a lot. I thought I would be okay just taking tiny portions of all the different things I wanted to eat. I wasn't okay. I couldn't even pack any leftover when all was said and done because just the sight of food made me want to barf.

The next day, I was still pretty turned off by food so I didn't eat anything, until dinner time. By then, I had gotten so hungry, that I ate my face off again.

So, here's the trouble: falling back into the pattern I'd set up for myself. I've started again, lots of water, better foods, less chocolate, etc, but I still feel the disappointment of Thanksgiving hovering around me.

Like I said yesterday, I'm refusing to get on a scale. So, what's the positive in all this? GUILT.

I feel bad when I don't eat like I should. I feel bad when there is no progress. For a girl who would openly eat Hershey Almond bars for breakfast in front of her co-workers, guilt certainly is a different feeling.


Lily says: Guilt is such a Catholic thing. *prays a rosary*

And I wasn't a fail. I mean. I didn't eat the pork. But I'm sure Bret ate enough pork for all of us.

The Wife Says: I think it's a Southern thing, too. Which is especially messed up in a culture that forces you to eat ALL THE TIME.

Lorraine Says: Well, I'm not Catholic. And I do live in south Florida but calling this the south is pretty wrong. Guys, I think it's just good old fashioned, "hey maybe eating an entire box of zebra cakes isn't good for me" guilt.

PARTY!

Anyone have a single zebra cake?


Lily Says: I bought a twinkie so I could throw it at this kid in my Spanish class. He didn't go. So you want that?

Wifey Says: I think we all have to take charge of the guilt thing. When I start feeling guilty about my eating habits, that's when I'm on the road to throwing in the towel. "I'm never going to change" etc.
We're having to unlearn years of self-imposed bad behavior (although it sounds like our backgrounds didn't help any). ANY step is a step in the right direction.

Lorraine Says: Lily offers me a twinkie and Wife offers me magical words of wisdom. THAT, ladies and gents, is why Blogging Blobs is amazing.

Lily Says:  I offer treats because I care.

The Great Tickler of Women and Fish Bret Says: While sitting down and reading today's thoughts I decided to have a piece of chocolate.  This week has been a complete disaster, but I was watching Good Morning America and they had some expert in something who gave out millions of pieces of advice.  The main one was "For the week of Thanksgiving and week and a half around Christmas, quit the diet.  You are going to do it anyway, so it's not worth the guilt of failing."

Thus my diet starts anew tomorrow, runs for a few weeks, and then the period of gluttony takes over again.

I just can't take all of the guilt that I am feeling for this week.  Maybe Lor can, because she has endured and gotten used to a lifetime of failures.  Maybe Lily can, because she is able to replace pork with getting porked repeatedly, but I just can't do it.  So I'm going to have another piece of chocolate.


Lily Says: I call it CARDIO, not "getting porked". Duhhhh! Also, eat some Chick Fil-A like a man.


The Bear Monk Says: We're getting kind of deep into this aren't we?  Guilt can really do a number on us all.  We feel guilty about over eating and as most of us are likely emotionally eaters, we will in turn eat to ease our guilt.  And so the cycle continues.

I'm with you on this whole take a week off thing Bret, but that shouldn't mean that we cave in to gorging ourselves on whatever we'd like.


The Fishiest of all that Fish Says: I don't understand Bear, my entire diet philosophy has been to NOT gorge myself whenever I'd like.  Thus taking a week off means that I will literally be stealing candy from babies.

I think the important thing is to not quit exercising.  I say this in a week in which I all but quit exercising. 


Lily Says: So you're going to quit exercising next week?

Blah Blah Blah Fish Says:  Actually I just need to make sure I DO exercise.  Work has been so busy that I skipped my usual lunchtime walk...and then still worked an extra half an hour at the end of the day.  730-630 without a break?  That's how I live!


Lorraine Says: So basically you work all day with no breaks, have an imaginary girlfriend, occasionally tickle ovaries and love your Grandfather's sausage?

Have another piece of chocolate Bret.

You know, I'm feeling better already.


Lily Says: Lor, can I have that twinkie back? I think Bret needs it more.

After Thanksgiving. Honest.

Lorraine Says: To sum up my week: FAIL.

 

There is no lying to you, to the diet gods, to the Ethiopians or to my scale who remained unmoved and might have even rolled its eyes at me.

 

This week was a diet fail. I wasn't even trying. Yeah, yeah, two or so weeks in and I sort of gave up. I have a Play-doh will and dandelion self-control. I've been surrounded by friends and family this past week and all anyone wants to do is flippin' eat. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I'm in charge of making all the dessert. Do you see where I'm going with this?

 

Anyways, I did at least learn a lesson from my fall from diet victory this week: I need to get back to the gym. Just cutting out zebra cakes isn't going to help me reach my goal. Plus, I obviously haven't cut zebra cakes, I just started buying the Christmas tree ones. I have the least amount of weight to lose and really a lot of it is tightening up the flab. The gym will be my best friend.

 

After Thanksgiving.


Lily Says: For some reason, I anticipate Bret or whatever his new name is, making this about him. *Sits and waits*

Are you making homemade zebra cakes for dessert? Or are you going to just place unwrapped zebra cakes on a tray?


Lorraine Says: I wish that would fly! Unfortunately, the stuff I'll be baking will be much, much worse than zebra cakes.


Tricky Fish Says: Well thank you for that intro lily, I just read it after my 45+ minute walk with my girlfriend.  During this walk I also did not eat any zebra cakes.  Of course that's enough about me.

Lor, don't think of your week as a fail.  Think of it as a win.  You win the most pathetic award.  You write with 4 different people that are way larger than you, and yet you are the worst at controlling your eating habits.  That's really something.

Just think, as you get older and your metabolism gets worse and you start getting really big you can get on disability and make the government deliver chocolate to your house for FREE.

I see a bright future for you.  Bright in the sense that you will one day fly in an airplane that cannot support your mass and the ensuing wreckage will light up the night sky.  I hear fat is very flammable.

Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope you eat a thigh bigger than your own.