You know, that overused Mark Twain quote

Slightly Disappointing Says...

I'm not dead, but I was probably closer to dead than most of you realized.

I went on vacation back in late March.  This won't surprise any normal readers but because I went on vacation, Blogging Blobs came to an absolute halt.

It didn't get any better when I got back.

Actually, "back" was the problem.  I got a staph infection on my back, and well, two surgeries later I'm still not completely recovered.  IT'S BEEN ALMOST 3 MONTHS.

I won't bore you with the details, mostly because I have a gigantoloctocus post going up over on my other site, but I will tell you how this pertains to dieting.

It was kinda hard to diet.

First of all, I couldn't exercise.  My sum total of actions that I was able to do over this amount of time was as follows:

1.Sit in chair
2.Eat food
3.Hand off bed pan

Even as I got better and was able to stumble around it was hard for me to lift my arms up to what I like to call "cooking food on stove" height.  It was miraculously easy, however, to receive food through windows.  Thank God I was born in these times.

I ate fast food non stop.  There were multiple times when I fell asleep eating fast food. I once saw a poll that 50% of men would take 10 years off of their life if they were woken up every morning with a blow job.  Well, let me tell you, those men never even thought of the pleasure of waking up with a half eaten double cheeseburger resting on their bulging stomach.  That's what Heaven is like.

My weight went up, and up, and up.  I know this because I had doctors appointments every few days, and they would weigh me, and even though they frequently cut things OUT of me, I was still able to put more INTO me.  This was until I got up to 281, and decided enough was enough.

That was about 3 weeks ago, when I started eating healthier because I felt like crap, and about 2 1/2 weeks ago I started exercising.  Exercising like a mofo.  And you know mofo's are committed champions of healthy living.

The result?  I'm now at 265.  And 265 means another picture.

I know the other blobs are out there.  So far as I can tell Lily continues to make commitments she can't keep, Lorraine continues to be some sort of raging Blogspot whore writing in about 95 different blogs because she thinks that Internet friends are real friends, or something like that.  The Bears continue to be depressed at their infertility by eating loads of chicken wings.  At least, this is how I imagine all of them to be.

Thus, I won't e-mail this to them, but they are free to edit/write in the comments.  They won't.  They are all failures.  If you have been reading from the beginning, you already knew this to be the case.

Anyway, 265...

Still trying to wear the same shirt.  Still don't think I ever actually look different.  This is depressing.  I'm going to go eat pizza.

I'll see you again.  I promise.

Oh!  I forgot!  I'm on a new site called http://www.myfitnesspal.com/  I realize those of you with smart phones probably have a better stuff, however this one is pretty good for tracking food/exercise.  There is also a bit of social networking.  If you are on this site, friend me.  I am "Bretsyboo."  You'll get daily updates like "Bretsyboo tried to run today"  and "Bretsyboo lost 75 calories masturbating for 2 minutes."  So it's a lot of fun, and also, 75 calories can add up.  If you know what I mean...