Dealing with my asshole

Witless says:
As I sat down today to try to figure out what to write, I took a look back at our posts this weeks.  I think we've all hit a major hurdle in our quest for healthier lifestyles.  This made me think about all the awful, terrible things I've done food wise this week and my relationship with food overall.  This morning I had an insight:

My relationship with food is exactly like my relationship with Asshole (my late high school, early college boyfriend)!

At the the beginning of the relationship everything was new and fresh, and when he screwed up, I just chalked it up to him being human. Then as he began to become more passive aggressive in our interactions I began to doubt where this relationship was going.  But not enough to break up, because most of the time he was nice (or so I told myself) and I thought I loved him.  By the end, I was being ignored and taken advantage of (and taken for granted), but I didn't leave even though I knew there were better things out there because it was habit and comfortable.  I knew what to expect from him, even if it was generally shitty behavior.  Then I had a wake up call and with the help of friends and a certain cute Bear, I had the guts to end it and move on.

It's not a unique story, I'm sure we have all had more or less the same experience, except maybe for Bret and his blow up doll.  Now for the food part:

I know all the things I'm supposed to be doing.  I haven't lived in a cave or in Amish country, so I know what's good for me: lots of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains; lean meats and sparingly used red meat; no sodas (even diet) or man-made created foods; at least 30-60 minutes of activity a day with a heavy focus on cardio.  That's the better out there waiting for me.

But I've lived for 27 years with my current status quo.  I know it's bad for me. I know it's taking years off my life and effecting my health.  But it's comfortable.  And for every time I get heartburn from crappy fast food, I have a few moments of bliss with a Blizzard or a piece of cake.

Making the kind of radical change I want and need to make is scary.  And it's not as simple as people want to make it out to be.  It's not just a case of will power or knowledge.  It's going against 27 years of what I know, into something brand new.  Which is scary and intimidating as hell.

Sorry to get so preachy, maudlin, whatever you want to call it.  So to lighten the mood:

Bret has a small penis. Lily is an alcoholic. Lorraine is lonely and has an imaginary best friend. Bear likes sausage.

Lorraine says:
I pretty much know what you mean. Even though there is knowledge in our heads, that has to constantly fight against experience. I mean, my dad used to take us every so often to eat chocolate frosted doughnuts before dropping us off at school. After dinner he'd always have a chocolate bar, which he'd kindly share with his three girls. My dad is a walking stick. Like a size 29. So glad he could pass on the habits and not the genes.

I probably giggled as I read through as I saw that you were going to discuss your relationship with assholes. Of course I went back and saw it was a particular Asshole, but whatever. I'll probably still think you and Bear bond over things like sausages and assholes. 

Lily says: 
You're preaching to the choir. It's so much easier to eat all the processed crap than to like make something healthy. I'd rather eat a pizza puff than to steam some veggies. Plus when I'm sad, it's easier to eat pizza and drink beer or vodka than to reach for, I don't know, trail mix. 

But on another note: I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Tricky Fish says: 
So to sum this all up, Bear is getting sloppy seconds?

Bear says: 
LALALALALALALALALALALAL I'M NOT LISTENING LALALALALALALALALALALA I hate you Bret.

Lily says:
Bret is an asshole sometimes. Meanie Bret. 

Lorraine says:
So what you're all saying is that Wife dated Bret the Asshole until she left him for Bear who likes sausages?!

*grabs popcorn*

Er... Non-fat popcorn? 

Lily says:
Kettle corn is low in the fat stuff, care for some, Lor? 

Lorraine says:
Aaaand there goes Lily offering me food. Now the post is complete. 

Lily says:
I love you all! 

Guilt, Pork and What Bret Needs More

Lorraine Says: Stinky Fish Bret made a comment yesterday about this all turning into a celebration of our flab. I don't think so, but as I sat here today, wondering what to write that wouldn't essentially be Bear and Lily's failure posts combined, I sort of saw his point.

I ate a lot on Thanksgiving. And I didn't even set out to eat a lot. I thought I would be okay just taking tiny portions of all the different things I wanted to eat. I wasn't okay. I couldn't even pack any leftover when all was said and done because just the sight of food made me want to barf.

The next day, I was still pretty turned off by food so I didn't eat anything, until dinner time. By then, I had gotten so hungry, that I ate my face off again.

So, here's the trouble: falling back into the pattern I'd set up for myself. I've started again, lots of water, better foods, less chocolate, etc, but I still feel the disappointment of Thanksgiving hovering around me.

Like I said yesterday, I'm refusing to get on a scale. So, what's the positive in all this? GUILT.

I feel bad when I don't eat like I should. I feel bad when there is no progress. For a girl who would openly eat Hershey Almond bars for breakfast in front of her co-workers, guilt certainly is a different feeling.


Lily says: Guilt is such a Catholic thing. *prays a rosary*

And I wasn't a fail. I mean. I didn't eat the pork. But I'm sure Bret ate enough pork for all of us.

The Wife Says: I think it's a Southern thing, too. Which is especially messed up in a culture that forces you to eat ALL THE TIME.

Lorraine Says: Well, I'm not Catholic. And I do live in south Florida but calling this the south is pretty wrong. Guys, I think it's just good old fashioned, "hey maybe eating an entire box of zebra cakes isn't good for me" guilt.

PARTY!

Anyone have a single zebra cake?


Lily Says: I bought a twinkie so I could throw it at this kid in my Spanish class. He didn't go. So you want that?

Wifey Says: I think we all have to take charge of the guilt thing. When I start feeling guilty about my eating habits, that's when I'm on the road to throwing in the towel. "I'm never going to change" etc.
We're having to unlearn years of self-imposed bad behavior (although it sounds like our backgrounds didn't help any). ANY step is a step in the right direction.

Lorraine Says: Lily offers me a twinkie and Wife offers me magical words of wisdom. THAT, ladies and gents, is why Blogging Blobs is amazing.

Lily Says:  I offer treats because I care.

The Great Tickler of Women and Fish Bret Says: While sitting down and reading today's thoughts I decided to have a piece of chocolate.  This week has been a complete disaster, but I was watching Good Morning America and they had some expert in something who gave out millions of pieces of advice.  The main one was "For the week of Thanksgiving and week and a half around Christmas, quit the diet.  You are going to do it anyway, so it's not worth the guilt of failing."

Thus my diet starts anew tomorrow, runs for a few weeks, and then the period of gluttony takes over again.

I just can't take all of the guilt that I am feeling for this week.  Maybe Lor can, because she has endured and gotten used to a lifetime of failures.  Maybe Lily can, because she is able to replace pork with getting porked repeatedly, but I just can't do it.  So I'm going to have another piece of chocolate.


Lily Says: I call it CARDIO, not "getting porked". Duhhhh! Also, eat some Chick Fil-A like a man.


The Bear Monk Says: We're getting kind of deep into this aren't we?  Guilt can really do a number on us all.  We feel guilty about over eating and as most of us are likely emotionally eaters, we will in turn eat to ease our guilt.  And so the cycle continues.

I'm with you on this whole take a week off thing Bret, but that shouldn't mean that we cave in to gorging ourselves on whatever we'd like.


The Fishiest of all that Fish Says: I don't understand Bear, my entire diet philosophy has been to NOT gorge myself whenever I'd like.  Thus taking a week off means that I will literally be stealing candy from babies.

I think the important thing is to not quit exercising.  I say this in a week in which I all but quit exercising. 


Lily Says: So you're going to quit exercising next week?

Blah Blah Blah Fish Says:  Actually I just need to make sure I DO exercise.  Work has been so busy that I skipped my usual lunchtime walk...and then still worked an extra half an hour at the end of the day.  730-630 without a break?  That's how I live!


Lorraine Says: So basically you work all day with no breaks, have an imaginary girlfriend, occasionally tickle ovaries and love your Grandfather's sausage?

Have another piece of chocolate Bret.

You know, I'm feeling better already.


Lily Says: Lor, can I have that twinkie back? I think Bret needs it more.