Monday, July 25, 2011

I'm not doing this for me; I'm doing it for the money

Slightly Disappointing says...


Let me tell you exactly what this means to me:


1st and foremost the company I work for doesn't want to pay medical expenses, and because they don't want to pay medical expenses they promote good health.  Part of that promotion is that if you obtain a healthy BMI you get $100 back from them.

I am about 3 kinder gardeners and a mature goat away from being a healthy BMI.

However, they have a deal for people like me.  If I lost 10% of my weight then I too would get $100.  When I weighed in last year I was 280, which means I had to get down to 252 within a year, which means, well, I'm $100 richer.  That's awesome.  Do you know how many Oreo cases one can buy with a $100?

Har. Har.

Here is the other thing, I remember living with my friend Stacey and stepping on her scale and weighing 252, which prompted a diet that if I could just lose a pound per week, I could get down to 200.  This was successful all of one week.  Point being that's the earliest I remember being above 250...and that was 5 years ago.  Let me tell you, when you weigh over 250 for that long...and eventually balloon up to 285, you never ever ever ever ever again think that you will weigh less than 250.  This is a pretty big victory for me.  I am the skinniest my girlfriend has ever seen me.

Oh, but I'll go on, every day I go to this site... which will tell you what weight % you are.  You would think the highest you can get would be >99%, however it appears as though the highest is >98%, and if you put in a gargantuan weight it doesn't even give you a statistics.  It tells you to check your inputs.  When a diet site thinks that you are too fat too actually exist, you've got some problems.

Not that it ever got like that for me.  I simply stayed at >98% no matter how much weight I've lost.  Basically if I stood in a room with 99 other 29 year old 5'10 males they couldn't guarantee that I would be the fattest person in there, but they could pretty much guarantee I'd be at least the 2nd fattest.  It's not such a great thing to think about when you start losing weigh and the site tells you Nope!  "Still the fattest!"

But now?  Oh but now.  Now I am at 98%  As in the site is pretty sure there would be TWO people in the room I could scoff at and wonder how they could ever let themselves go like that.  "You'll never catch me over 250!" I'll whisper behind their fat asses.  Besides this I think I could make fun of the people in the 1 or 2% range because, well, gross.  Really, that's all this comes down to.  Giving me the ability to judge others.

You though I was done?  I'm not.  I went to a Polynesian style dinner the other night and was encourages to wear a Hawaiian shirt.  "But I don't have one that fits" I said.  Ohh, silly me.  I hadn't worn the shirt in YEARS, however that night it fit exactly as I remember it fitting: slightly too small.  I love that shirt.  I'm going to wear it all of the time just like I did over 5 years ago.  My girlfriend hates Hawaiian shirts, but that's O.K.  as I continue to work and harden my body and get rid of the fat, well, that will just make it more likely that she will rip the shirt off of me whenever I see it.  In other words, JUST ANOTHER WAY TO WORK OUT.

O.K.  You demand a picture, I'm sure.  And I have one for you, though once again I'm certain I look exactly the same.

Here is my 275 pic and my 250 pic side by side...

Sigh....I different.  Anyway, I know it's different so screw all of you.  (clearly by all of you I mean Lorraine:)

O.K. On to some serious news.  We have been joking about Bear and Wife for some time now, but unfortunately after a little internet investigation, I've learned that there actually was a tragedy.  Several weeks ago there was a major car accident, in which neither was able to survive their injuries.  News like this hasn't hit the blogosphere, I mean how could it?  But I still think it would be a nice thing if maybe someone posted some sort of tribute in the comments of their blogs.  It might mean something to those family members who are left behind to see that their gifts did in fact touch the world.  OF course you can find the links right here on the main site.

O.K.  This sappy stuff isn't allowing me to lose any weight.  Back to progress.  See you soon.


  1. ok first of all... WELCOME BACK BLOBS!!!!!! i had all but given up on you! and second, are you serious? bear and his wife are both dead?????

  2. oh and ps. bret you do look thinner, you can see it in your face. :)

  3. Tales of our demise our seriously exaggerated. No car accident though we have come upon a new, life changing revelation. We're having a baby...or a cub...or whatever you want to call it(her actually). As such dear Wife is on a much different kind of diet now. Hope everyone is doing good.

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