Minus four pounds on the bod. All thanks to the Ethiopian Diet. I think I finally get what those kids do to get those twiggy bods. Though... I'm not really doing the ED on purpose. Sometimes, I really only have time for breakfast. Then classes until forever and work right after. By the time I get home it's like 1 am... also known as past my bedtime.
Total lost: 5 lbs.
I'm actually fine with that number. Yay!
I'm deathly afraid of gaining 5 times the weight I loss starting next Thursday. Stupid fucking turkey day. And I know what you're thinking "eat the veggies" and the "healthy stuff"... Let's be real here. I'm Mexican... and really those two things do not apply. Especially when you throw in a very horrible American holiday about killing people and eating them (may not be historically accurate... whatever).
The Mighty Tickler (Bret) Says: Congrats on the 5 pounds madame. Look, we all need a simple Thanksgiving/holiday plan. That is, we don't want to suffer the rest of our lives with bean sprouts while we watch others eat turkey and Christmas cookies for 4 months. That is no way to live a life. So, there should be a daily plan. EAT Thanksgiving dinner, but only one serving (leftovers baby!) Have a Christmas cookie, but make it one per day, or one per 6 hours or something. Drink Tequila Lily, but limit it to 6 bottles a day, and only 1 at a time while driving.
This isn't that hard, we can do this! Except for Lily. It's 9:19AM her time, and I'm sure she's sloshed.
Lily Says: Oh. 6! That's what it was.
Lorraine Says: Congrats on the five pounds, but... you are Mexican + major holiday coming up? Your only hope will be lots of poo.
Fine, whatever, I'm really worried about Thanksgiving too. Not eating at least two servings at Thanksgiving dinner is a sure sign to the family of bad, bad things:
1.) You didn't like the cooking, which means you should be punched in the face.
b.) You are in love. And you didn't tell anyone?!
cat.) You are sick, or possibly and most likely pregnant.
I don't want to be grilled about being pregnant guys. Because that will lead to a conversation about how sex is evil, and Lily can attest to all the health benefits of sex, but Lily will not be there. She will be on bottle 6.5 of tequila because it's an effin' holiday and she can have all the bottles she wants.
Drink to that my dear! Because if Thanksgiving is about anything, it's about our freedom to be fatasses. Wait. That might also be historically inaccurate.
The Mighty Tickler (Bret) Says: Thanksgiving is all about us eating some Indian food so that we could give them all small pox and take over, so that Lily could come along some day with her big pox, which is what she calls her nipples.
Look it up, it's on wiki.
Lily Says: Yeah, the sexy time burns all the calories... and I think.... and highly suspect that the broken scale hella lied to me. This new scale is like hella cooler and doesn't lie. So I wouldn't be surprised if I lost like 3 lbs last week, and 2 pounds this week.
But I did pretty well for a week with no cardio. And no cardio = Lily's hella bitchy. And be proud of me, because I've been feeling sad... maybe also because I had no cardio, and have been wanting to eat my feelings... and drink them. But I didn't. Yay! Smiley Face!
Lorraine... I know what you mean! I'm thinking I'm going to go up to the buffet line twice... BUT am going to serve myself a little of everything. I'm thinking like teaspoons of mashed potatoes and stuffing... teaspoon of rice... teaspoon of turkey. This knocks out 1.
As for b. They all know I'm in love... except my grandma...
and cat... Jesus, if I were pregnant, then at least I'd know I was going to be at least 20 lbs lighter in 9 months. But if I were expecting, they'd all want to feed me more.... which really means I'd gain about 100 pounds. And THAT will kill the sex drive. Or so I hear.
Bret... your nipples are bigger than the bottom of a 64 oz fountain drink cup at 7-11. HEY-O!
TBM Says: Holy Shit...5 pounds? Did you get a breast amputated? Did you simply turn down 1 bottle of Vodka? Hopefully not the first... Who am I trying to kid? Hopefully not the second either.
This year I'm not really dreading Thanksgiving so much. There will only be 3 of us and 2 of us are diagnosed diabetics. We're getting used to controlling the portions now too.
I almost shit a brick when I started reading Bret's first comment. I thought surely someone had hijacked his email account and decided to try and trick us into thinking he had a heart or something. Upon completing my read I discovered Bret is still the heartless bastard we've all come to love or tolerate...whichever applies.
As Bret didn't say it, I will...Lor rhymes with whore. No wonder your family would question you about pregnancy hon...
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